But it is Scary in There! (The challenges of going within)

I am curious, do you ever create space in your day to just sit quietly and connect to your inner self?

Yesterday we were discussing the importance of going within on Defy the Box radio with Dr. Jennifer Howard, and it reminded me just how difficult this used to be for me.

Back in the day, I was scared to death of listening to what my inner–self  had to say. I always kept myself busy.  I avoided any situations where I would have nothing to do and be stuck sitting there alone with my thoughts.

If I was home alone, I would have the TV on or music playing while I was using my computer, or talking on the phone. I would watch TV until I would fall asleep. I hated lying awake in bed with my thoughts swirling around.

My inner-self  had all kinds of things to say that I did not want to hear!

In my head I would be looking back at the day and analyzing every interaction that I had, and all the things I did. I thought about all the things I did not like and wanted to be different.  I had a long list of things that were not working for me.

I felt trapped in my life, and did not think that I had many options. Thinking about it made me uncomfortable and anxious. I did not know exactly what I wanted or how to make the change.

I just knew that I wanted more.

This desire to do more with my life was not something that would sit quietly!  It showed up in all my frustration, anxiety and disappointment. Nothing satisfied me, and my life suffered as a result.

And then a funny thing happened.

The Universe forced me to sit still for a while. I broke my foot and severely sprained my ankle.  I had six weeks of doing nothing. I could only watch so much TV, and finally I was prompted to read a book that had been on my shelf for a long time. It was the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. This book got me to slow down and take a look inside of my own head.

I let go of all my bus-i-ness for a while and began to create some places for stillness in my life.

At first it was scary. There was so much anger and frustration inside of me; it was hard to get past it.

Eventually I did.

I was able to connect with the part of me that wanted more meaning in my life. The more I created the quiet space to sit down and listen to that voice, the clearer my path became.

Sometimes I find myself still avoiding the quiet places, and I ask myself what are you avoiding hearing right now?

There is always an answer for me if I sit down and listen.

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