I’ve been thinking about freedom lately and what that means to me.
The desire for freedom is one of the driving forces in my life, and I’ve done a great job of creating a luscious life with plenty of it.
BUT, I’ve noticed lately that my desire for freedom is interfering with my desire to expand my financial situation. I have to thank Nona Jordan’s –Get Right with Money – class for helping me clearly see this.
On the surface this feels great when I think about it. I love working with my 1-1 clients. The relationship we create and the honor of being allowed to support them as they expand more fully into themselves is something I totally adore. It’s deeply satisfying to me.
There is no doubt that teaching Unleash Yourself is my happy place. There is so much richness and juicy goodness flowing.
I also love my quiet mornings hanging out with my kitties and my sweetie when he doesn’t have to rush off to a video shoot, show or modeling gig. This time is precious to me. I also love to have the space in my day to write, and dream and connect with people online. There is no rushing around from one thing to the next. There is lots of space for my creativity to flow. That feels good to me.
BUT the desire to expand my business burns so bright in me right now. I crave more connection and the opportunity to help more people. I really WANT this!!!
The problem is, I’m not really going for it when it comes to expanding my business.
I’ve discovered that there is this freedom thing lurking around just below the surface. Maybe a more accurate thing to say is a fear of losing my freedom.
In the past when I really wanted to create something for myself I went for it full force. It was all consuming. There was no time for hanging out and chillaxing. It was all business all the time.
I’ve always been very successful at everything I did, but ending up in the emergency room at 24 with severe stress related issues was a problem. In my world, super hard work = getting sick.
As a kid, I worked multiple jobs while going to school and doing sports. I did this because I wanted to make money so I could do what I wanted to do. That was the rule in our house. The basics were provided for you, but if you wanted anything extra you needed to get a job and pay for it yourself.
Money = freedom.
I worked my ass off at every job I ever had, always striving to be at the top of the food chain and be the boss in every situation. To me, that is what success looked like and it worked. I worked hard and made lots of money.
I was also burnt out by the time I was 24 and found myself in the emergency room with severe stress related symptoms. You’d think that would have been a wake-up call, but it wasn’t.
I set my sites on bigger and better things thinking – once I made more money then I’d have more freedom and time to relax. But that’s not what happened. The more I wanted something, the harder I would work to get it and it soon became all consuming.
It’s not surprising I acted this way.
My Dad was a prime example of someone who worked very hard, hated his job but did it anyway so he could support the family. He couldn’t wait to retire so he could do all the things he enjoyed doing.
I remember my mom struggling to go back to collage to get her BA and then Masters degree so she could have a career of her own beyond raising kids. She was always busy either with school, work or the family.
The sad part was that after all her hard work she ended up having breast cancer at 45 and dying after a long hard battle with it at 55. Her last words to me were- “Leah, stop working so hard and enjoy your life now. This was supposed to be my time to enjoy my life and I’m dying instead.”
In my mind, you had to work hard to make money to live and defer your freedom until you retired, or you worked hard, got sick and died.
Wait a minute……Let’s not forget about the option my Grandma always told me- you could marry a rich man, but that never sounded like freedom to me.
I took my mother’s words to heart and I made some big changes in my life when I decided to become a coach, and was able to create a wonderful life for myself; One where I finally had the freedom to do work I loved, hang out, relax and have plenty of space to appreciate the juicy goodness in my day. But when I made this choice I also gave up the big money I was making.
I have everything I need, a nice condo, fun lifestyle, and lots of opportunities to do all the things I like to do, but it is time for an upgrade!
I find myself afraid that if I open up that door, and invite in more clients and opportunities- I will lose my freedom. I will be back to being stressed out, over worked and exhausted.
I find myself all consumed and feeling like I have to push really hard to get what I want. And it scares me. I don’t want to end up that same stressed out frustrated person that I used to be.
My past experiences and stories about how things work are fucking with me!
I’m thankful that I can see this so clearly. Awareness is key to re-writing my story so I can expand into more juicy goodness.
The reality is that I have complete control over how much time I work and what my schedule looks like. I can easily fit in 5 more private clients and still have plenty of time to do everything else I enjoy. I CAN have my freedom and expand my business. I’m in the driver’s seat and can have a totally new experience if I let it in.
What does freedom mean to you?
What are your stories about how money and work relate to freedom?
Is there anything you need to shift to have more money and freedom in your life?
If you want help identify your stories and clearing out your self-defeating beliefs while boosting up your self-love and manifestation skills-sign up for a Juicy Goodness Infusion – 30 minutes of pure positive energy to help you identify what you need to clear out or embrace so you can live a life you love.