I spent most of my life feeling this way and so have many of the women I work with. It has been a big topic of conversation during this round of Unleash Yourself!
For some of us it’s been there our whole lives. For other’s it set in later in life when they relocated to a different part of the country, embraced their spiritual side or rejected the status quo and changed the way they were living their lives.
Since feeling like you don’t fit in seems to be a common thread – let’s talk about it.
Who are you comparing yourself to judge that you don’t fit it?
How does that make you feel when you think you don’t fit in?
For most of my life I felt like I didn’t fit in. It was part of my self-definition. Because of this, I automatically looked for all the ways that I was different and didn’t fit in with people; as opposed to all the things we had and common. I tended to be a bit defensive or I pretended that I didn’t care what other people thought. I always was protecting myself in some way from everyone else because I didn’t fit in and felt judged a lot of the time.
The belief that I didn’t “fit in” limited what I thought was possible and made me assume that people wouldn’t like me or get me.
There was also the tendency to assume I was doing things wrong and to think no-one wanted what I had to offer because I was different. I felt like I had to work really hard to prove that what I was offering was worthwhile and meaningful.
Here are some other examples of how it can show up………
You think that it’s going to be impossible to offer your own brand of quirky goodness because no-one will get it.
You buy into the idea that there is a “right way” to do business and you spend thousands of dollars on big biz guru’s blueprints for success – even though they never seem to work for you.
You hold back your magic because you feel you‘re too “fucked up” and eccentric- no one will want to hear what you have to say.
You think you need to tone down your appearance so you will be accepted and taken seriously.
You become resigned to the idea that no-one gets you and you stop believing you will find your right people.
In all cases- the belief that you don’t fit in prevents you from fully showing up and going for it in your business and life.
It wasn’t until I acknowledged these feelings and stopped identifying as “not fitting in” that things shifted for me.
I am ME! A unique, freak flag flying, mermaid, freedom fighter who does her own thing and appreciates other people who fly their freak flag too.
There are countless people who totally resonate with who I am and what I stand for. They just couldn’t find me because I was hiding out behind my defensive shield. The more I let my freak flag fly and let people see the real me- the more I’m surround by people who are MY right people who appreciate me and want to work with me.
Now, when I meet new people, I look for all the things I have in common with them rather than what makes me different. I also don’t worry so much about what they think of me. This had led to many amazing friendships and lots of growth in my business.
One wise lady in the group shared this wisdom-
“I’m currently entertaining a lot of ideas about “not fitting in” and I think the biggest one is that we tend to look around a room and think we’re the only ones that feel like we don’t fit in… which is so completely wrong, so it’s OK to feel awkward sometimes, we’re human. This is also bringing up the thought for me that perhaps if I turned it around it would change from “I don’t fit in anywhere” to “part of me fits in everywhere”
Such a wonderful way to shift that belief!!
How does feeling like you never fit-in effect the way you show up and put yourself out there?
What would change if you let go of the belief that you didn’t fit in?