I grew up thinking I had to fight to have the freedom I wanted.
As a kid, a strong desire for freedom came naturally to me. I knew my own mind and had my own way of doing things, and I didn’t see why I needed permission to do what I wanted. (I was my mother’s worst nightmare).
I questioned everything, especially when it came to why I HAD to do certain things. Needless to say, my parents and I fought a lot. I resented having to explain and justify everything I wanted to do. It’s no surprise that I was grounded for half of my high school career. I learned it was better to play along and keep my mouth shut, in order to get along.
So… like a lot of good girls, I did.
I spent 35 years trying to play the game in order to be successful. I went to college, got good grades and graduated with a BA in Sociology. I followed the money and opportunities offered to me in the high end restaurants I worked in during college and created a life I thought would make me happy.
The thing was, my life looked great on paper and I made lots of money, but everything felt like a battle. I was stressed out and frustrated and didn’t feel very free. I HATED having to conform in order to fit in. I complained about my job and the people I worked with. In my mind, everyone was purposefully trying to hold me back and piss me off. I was afraid to make any real changes because I doubted myself and didn’t want to lose everything.
I wasn’t taking ownership of my life. I was following someone else’s rules and waiting for someone else to come in and give me permission to change things to make it better.
I wasn’t sovereign.
(Being Sovereign = using your free will and self knowledge to make choices based on YOUR wants, needs and truth. You allow yourself to be who you are, have what you want and live the life you want to live.)
I kept myself super-busy all the time because I didn’t want to listen to the hyper critical, questioning voice in my head and my heart crying out for something more. I tuned out with multi-tasking, sleeping with all the wrong men and partying like a rock star.
Then one day, everything changed. After complaining about my schedule and declaring that I NEEDED A BREAK, I was walking out of Whole Foods with my grocery bags, tripped off the curb and fell face first into the street, severely injuring my foot and ankle. I got the “break” I’d asked for and was forced to stay home for six weeks.
Six weeks on the couch with my foot elevated forced me to slow down and reflect. (Maybe watching all that Oprah helped too). I read a bunch of books, and two of them changed my life: The Four Agreements and The Mastery of Love, both by Don Miguel Ruiz.
Something shifted in me and I realized two very important things-
1. Other people weren’t holding me back and trying to piss me off; nor were they responsible for my happiness. It was all up to me. I needed to step into my sovereignty and take responsibility for my life.
2. I sure had a created an impossible image of perfection for myself to live up to, and it was making me miserable.
I found the courage to claim my sovereignty and make some changes. I started down a path to self-discovery and exploration that pushed me WAY outside my comfort zone, and included (but not limited to) reading lots spiritual books, dancing all night around sacred fires, LSD and Burningman. (Your results may vary.)
I deeply connected with myself and my magic and found peace in my heart and in my head. I learned how to embrace my sovereignty, take full responsibility for my life and allow myself to have what I wanted without having to push and fight to make it happen.
I learned how to explore, experiment and evaluate in order to determine what works best for me.
I studied the manifestation process from both practical and magical perspectives. I learned about thoughts, beliefs and energy and how to leverage them to create what I desire. I learned how to love myself and give myself permission to have what I want and be who I am, no apologies and no regrets.
I freed myself from the old stories, beliefs and identities that no longer served me and held me back.
Now, I have the freedom to be myself, make my own rules and decide what my life will be.
I’m committed to feeling turned on, tuned in and fully alive in my life and never settling for something that doesn’t allow me to feel this way.
It took me over 10 years to become the fierce Renegade Queen I am today. (It’s my intention to make the process a lot faster for you.)
I learned something really interesting along the way….
You don’t have to fight to be free.
Let’s say that again, this time with feeling: you – and I mean you, Queen – do not have to fight anymore.
Instead, you can get free.
You can get sovereign.
You are sovereign.
(I’ll talk more about how to do this in the following posts.)
I’d love to hear about your path to freedom! Share your thoughts in the comments below or email me and fill me in.