Trapped, Miserable and Bitchy

This morning I was reading a post on the Freak Revolution blog and it really sounded familiar to me.

It reminded me of my own story.

About 8 years ago I was working in a restaurant and miserable. There are some differences between me and the “pie-fucker” that they are describing. I did not work at Chili’s and I did not suck at my job, but the misery was one and the same.

In my case, I worked at a high end steak house and was actually very good at my job, BUT I was miserable and pretty bitchy most of the time.

I felt trapped.

I wanted out but I had bills to pay. I was making 2 or 3 times as much money as I could as a new consular or therapist.

Besides, I did not really want to work mucking around in people’s problems. I knew that I wanted to do something along the lines of helping people, but I also was used to a certain standard of living. I felt stuck and did not see many options.

So, I sucked it up and stayed at the job I hated and bitched and moaned and complained about how awful it was.

I spent a lot of time looking for something to make me feel better. I went out for drinks most nights and partied a lot. When I was home alone, I always had the TV or the computer on…..sometimes both at the same time. I was trying to tune out that part of me that was crying out for something different.  Deep down inside I knew that my life could be different….that this could not be it…..but I was not sure what exactly it was that I was looking for.

  Strangely enough, I would catch a glimpse of it every now and then. I would come across a stranger who seemed “shiny” to me and they would have a special sparkle in their eyes.  You could tell that their life did not suck.

All I knew was that I wanted some of what they had.

I had to break free of the miserable, meaningless life I was living. I got to the point where it was no longer ‘OK’ to remain at a job that I hated.

I wanted to like my job.

I wanted to enjoy my life and be inspired by it.

I decided to set off on a course of exploration and I did a bunch of thing I had never done. One of those things was to go to Burning Man. In a strange moment of displaced clarity I decide to follow my heart and become a life coach.

Was it scary? 

YES!

Did I take a Risk?

You Bet!

I also doubted my choice a hundred times over, but in the end I am certain it was the best thing I ever did.

My life feels good to me now.

I am that ‘shiny’ person with the twinkle in her eye.

You know what?

I gets better and better every day.

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