“Is there something wrong with me because I don’t feel satisfied with what I have?”
It’s not like your current life sucks, but it leaves you wondering if you’d be happier with something else. If only you had more connection with your partner, a more exciting sex life, more REAL friends who totally get you, more deep meaningful conversations, more speaking & living your truth, and more opportunities to express yourself creatively.
“Maybe I just don’t know how to be happy?”
What drives you to want more out of life?
There are a lot of reasons why we want more out of life. Our purpose is to grow and expand, while enjoying the ride along the way. The only way to do this is to push ourselves outside our comfort zone on a regular basis (everyday) and get really comfortable with change. Wanting more is part of this process.
Where it gets Sticky
It’s natural to want more, I want more all the time, but the problem is the notion that if you want more-there MUST be something WRONG with what you currently have. We think we need to make our lives- or ourselves- wrong and chuck what we have in order to have what we are looking for. The funny part is most of the time we have NO IDEA what the MORE we are seeking looks like.
I asked a client what drove her to want more in her life. Someone had commented to her that she seemed to be always challenging herself to do more and change things. She told me that she had spent parts of her life feeling slightly depressed because she didn’t feel inspired and passionate about what she was doing. She felt the drive to push herself to do more, be more, learn and find her place of alignment and connection. But this drive left her questioning her relationship and living situation.
She knew she wanted more- more meaningful connection with friends, intimacy, freedom in speaking and living her truth. She didn’t know what it specifically looked like or how to get it. She was feeling conflicted about giving up what she already had in order to find it.
“Maybe you don’t need to give everything up in order to have the MORE you want?”
I invited her to reframe things- “My life rocks and it will be really cool to have these things too” and make some space for things to shift. I also encouraged her to “want more” from a place of appreciating what is already there. Rather than focusing on the lack, focus on all the growth and expansion that has/will happen.
“Appreciate all the connection, meaning, intimacy, and freedom to speak and live your truth you have in your life right now. Give it an opportunity to expand.”
One More Thing
We also talked about the tendency to look to other people to provide us with what we feel is missing and blaming them if we aren’t getting what we need.
If you’re not experiencing the intimacy that you desire- look to yourself for it first. You are always getting back a mirror reflection of what you’re putting out there. For example- if you’re not experiencing the intimacy you desire with your partner, where are you not open to it? Are you providing a safe environment for them to fully show up and be vulnerable? Or are you critical of them and focusing on what’s lacking? Try holding your partner in love and appreciation- praising and acknowledging all their efforts, growth and awesomeness- then see if there is room for more intimacy.
Stop making your desire for MORE = there must be something wrong with my life. You don’t need to ditch everything you’ve created in order to have more. Matter of fact, you will find what you’re looking for much faster when you do it from a place of appreciating all that you already have.
What do you want more of in your life?
Where is it already showing up?
What do you need to shift inside of yourself to be more fully able to receive it?